Phil Mickelson symbolises chaotic golf world and won’t defend PGA Championship title as Saudi scheme, greed and sportswashing cast shadow over Southern Hills
If you last read up on golf before February 2, grab yourself a cup of tea and some biscuits.
We have a lot to discuss - but most of it can be encapsulated in the wacky world of Phil Mickelson.
To those who haven't been paying attention, the 51-year-old is the oldest Major champion in history and should be heading to Southern Hills in a blaze of glory, defending his PGA Championship title as one of golf's most-loved figures.
But all that changed in February. And 'Lefty', who hasn't been seen or heard publicly since, just pulled out of his title defence next week. So, how did we get here?
Ahead of this year's Saudi International, Mickelson launched an explosive attack on the PGA Tour, accusing it of 'obnoxious greed' for hogging 'his' media rights - and admitted he was exploring options elsewhere.
There's a lot to unpack there. But most importantly, this came amid rumblings of a Saudi-backed Super League led by Greg Norman's LIV Golf Investments, bankrolled by the Public Investment Fund.
Every player inside the world's top 100, including Mickelson, was offered eye-watering sums of cash to channel their own greed and join the breakaway project.
After buying a foothold in Formula 1, boxing and Newcastle United among other things, golf was next on the agenda for the PIF in their ever-growing bid to hide Saudi Arabia's human rights record via sport.
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It was gaining momentum, too. Major champions Dustin Johnson and Bryson DeChambeau were among some of the world's biggest stars thought to be interested - until Mickelson accidentally called the Saudis out himself.
In a conversation leaked by journalist Alan Shipnuck, whose autobiography on the six-time Major-winner is set to expose some hard truths on May 17, Mickelson described the Saudis as 'scary mother*******' and admitted he was only negotiating with them to gain leverage on the Tour.
The American apologised and announced an indefinite break, missing the Masters in April for the first time in 28 years, amid ongoing uncertainty over whether he is actually banned by the Tour.
Nevertheless, after that small bump in the road, two-time Open champion Norman announced his plans to press ahead with the Saudi-backed league, admitting Mickelson's comments had forced a change of plans due to player and sponsor drop-outs.
It's now called the LIV Golf Invitational, an eight-event series which will begin at the Centurion Club, just outside St Albans, on June 9, and boasts the biggest purse in golf history - with plans for a full-blown Super League by 2024.
A few issues still linger, though. The PGA Tour and DP World Tour have blocked releases for players wishing to compete in the first event, putting most of the field at risk of fines, suspensions or other sanctions.
The typically-boisterous Norman does not expect the threat of bans to hold up in court, where this battle is destined to end up, and promises legal support to any player wishing to take the risk.
Mickelson, Lee Westwood, Sergio Garcia, Ian Poulter, Bubba Watson, Martin Kaymer, Jason Kokrak, Kevin Na and, of course, world no.1080 Robert Garrigus are understood to have requested releases - and Norman hopes more will join once the legality is clear.
It is Mickelson's position which sums up the whole thing rather well. He filed for release to play in LIV Golf's inaugural event and also signed up to defend his PGA Championship title in the same press release from his manager - and then pulled out of Southern Hills without even releasing an statement of his own.
That's sort of encapsulates what the whole world of professional golf looks like right now. What on earth happens next?
The sport is chock-a-block with made beds not lied in, cake both had and eaten, with Mickelson's the biggest of them all. That unpacking we mentioned earlier? Let's have a crack.
Unsavoury as it is, accepting a humongous cheque as an independent contractor approaching the twilight years of a career is, at least, understandable. It's easy to see why a struggling Korn Ferry or Challenge Tour player could be tempted, too.
And while the game's star attractions like Tiger Woods and Rory McIlroy show no interest, the tournament near St Albans will be nothing more than a very expensive farce. It could even be a bunch of amateurs playing for $25m if the PGA Tour's deterrent works.
But as world no.8 Justin Thomas put it recently: if you want to go, please, just go.
Westwood and Garcia have both tried to claim some bizarre form of moral high-ground in recent weeks. You can't have it both ways.
Despite initially admitting his decision is about money in a recent interview, Westwood went on to claim things are improving in Saudi Arabia - where 81 people were executed in March - and that critics are simply scared of change.
He also provided a tidy definition of sportswashing by arguing that golf shouldn't be scrutinised so much because other sports have Saudi funding.
Garcia, meanwhile, told a rules official he 'can't wait to leave this tour' after getting a dodgy ruling at the Wells Fargo Championship.
Perhaps he is unaware that LIV Golf have hired long-time PGA Tour official Slugger White to oversee their regulations - which will be the same as, erm, the PGA Tour.
Elsewhere, Norman delivered perhaps the most unusual defence of Mohammed bin Salman's regime to date when he was recently asked about the murder and dismemberment of journalist Jamal Khashoggi in 2018, allegedly sanctioned by the Crown Prince, who has denied this.
Norman said: "Look, we've all made mistakes, and you just want to learn from those mistakes and how you can correct them going forward."
That's where we're at with golf right now, and don't be fooled into thinking the established tours are blameless victims. All of these guys, namely LIV Golf's ringleaders Mickelson and Norman, will tell you they are just trying to 'grow the game'.
The revolutionary ideas involved in the LIV Golf Series - 54 holes, shotgun starts, no cut-lines, team-elements and IPL-style franchises - have the power to draw much-needed new eyes to golf. But not like this.
There is a way to revolutionise golf within its current ecosystem and without the PIF's money. Yes, it's about bigger purses and slices of pie for the world's top ten, but it's also about improving the product.
The Premier Golf League - a separate scheme, initially backed by Saudi money but not anymore - has been screaming about these ideas for years.
They want to work with the PGA Tour, creating a league with promotion and relegation, taking F1 as inspiration for how to generate seismic interest in an individual sport with creative new ideas.
Golf has stagnated and it's the PGA Tour's responsibility for standing still, refusing to evolve, and opening the door for something sinister to take ownership of how golf's future, after Tiger, could look. The DP World Tour literally opened the door by sanctioning the Saudi Invitational for years.
Rather than encouraging a kid to pick up a golf club or thinking about how the lower levels of golf's pyramid can benefit, all the LIV Golf Series wants to grow is the size of millionaire pockets and silence towards Saudi Arabia's human rights record.
We don't even know who will broadcast the first event - amid suggestions it will be on YouTube - and this thing starts in a few weeks. There is a lack of subtlety, thought and care for golf which makes this scheme even more cynical than a Saudi Arabian Grand Prix or an Anthony Joshua fight at the Diriyah Arena.
None of it is good, but this is worse.
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And if you're being paid to put morals aside, expect to earn your money. It's no surprise Mickelson will probably break his media silence at a LIV Golf event rather than the PGA Championship.
As we approach what should be one of the most exciting Majors in years, with Mickelson defending and Woods back competing, the narrative is all a bit grim.